the demon within

disappointed with wordpress

xxdiabloxx — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 08:02:51 +0000

I first used wordpress when i was in my second year of my study in IIUM if i’m not mistaken. It began when some of the students created an illegal local area network [LAN] from room to rooms, from block to blocks. The main purpose for that was, and still is, to share and exchange stuff in their personal computers or laptops as well as to play online games such as DoTA, Counter-Strike, etc. Then, somebody started being creative by setting up a LAN blog. I’m not going into technical details of how could that be possible because even i am not sure how can i explain them to you. I learnt, and i know. haha. So, about the blog, wordpress is the only domain that we can use to have a LAN blog. Pheww… it was really a madness back then. If not for others, it really was for me. Everytime i had a chance to log on to the internet, i would download new templates for wordpress, and then when i’m in my room, i would spend hours amending the templates that i downloaded to suit my taste. If you must know, i didn’t actually blog. What i was crazy about at that time was editing the templates. WordPress is my baby at that time. We had our fun together. We had our bad hair day together. It’s like we’re in love so to speak. haha. I know i sound like a real nerd, but that’s the truth. That’s why i chose to have wordpress as my domain for my online blog. I was hoping that we would have fun together, again. Nonetheless, like i always said, shits happen. After using it for about a month or two, i noticed that we could no longer get along well like we used to be. For instance, one thing that makes me very disappointed with wordpress is that she does not allow me to upload media files other than pictures unless i pay for it. I mean, that’s outrageous. How could she do this to me? After all we’ve been through, she should understand how poverty loves me, how money runs away at the sight of me. You selfish, materialistic bitch! I don’t love you anymore. I can’t. As much as it saddens me to do this, i pronounce that on this very day, i will disown you! You should know something like this is bound to happen when money is involved in our relationship.You will regret this. Mark my words, you will.

p/s: so anyway, after all the drama, my new blog is at this address http://xlanxdiablox.blogspot.com/

hope to see you there! bye bye wordpress!! bitch!!

a must-listen song…

xxdiabloxx — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 13:13:57 +0000

I’ve wanted to do this from long ago but as usual, i’d always end up not doing it, for some reasons. I want you guys to listen to this song. It was first introduced to me by a friend of mine whose name is, as his friends call him, sapik.

About him, well, i suppose i should give him some credit for lighting my way back to the underground music world when i was wasting my time appreciating some mainstream musicians and their hippies songs. Ops. Am i being prejudice here? haha. Well, as far as i’m concerned this still is my blog of which i have the right to say whatever i want to say in it and if somebody feels that i’m not being nice, that’s because i’m not. I don’t have to. This here, is my space. You should be grateful that i allow you to trespass my space. hahahaha. Always want to act like a big jerk.

But let me tell you one thing, if there is one thing in this world that would make me feel guilty and eventually apologise is, if i were to make a grammatical mistake in my writings and/or in my speech. Wait, that’s not quite right… If i were to make a mistake, i will be corrected by my teacher or friends, which eliminates the need for me to apologise, right? Because i;m in the process of learning, thus mistakes are normal. Perhaps it’d be better if i put it this way, i will only be apologising out of my guilt for making a grammatical mistake in English language, if i were to assume the teaching role. That’s more like it. Because i’m a teacher. I shouldn’t be making any mistakes in what i teach. Am i right? You don’t have to answer me on that because i know i’m right. hahahaha. Hmm.. but now that i think about it, would i really do that? Apologising that is. haha.

From what i can remember, although guilt does burden me everytime i make a mistake in teaching, English grammar specifically, i actually rarely apologise for the mistake. hahahaha. However, yesterday was an exception. I e-mailed all of my students to apologise for a mistake in my teaching. A few days back, I made a mistake by imposing an incorrect grammatical rule on my students.

Owh, right, some of you didn’t know it yet, did you? I’m currently an english teacher at TAR College, Wangsa Maju. Just a part-timer though.

So, going back to our subject matter, i decided that i have to e-mail all my students to apologise on this mistake that i did. It was hard really. Why? As i mentioned earlier, a teacher should not have done a mistake in the subject that he or she teaches. Your credibility as a teacher will no longer be as solid as before. But then, as a teacher, it’s your responsibility to be more thoughtful to the students than to yourself. The job of a teacher is to shed lights on things that students can’t see. Thus, if a teacher were to make a mistake, and does not even bother to correct and acknowledge the fact that he or she made a mistake, that teacher should be lynched. hahahaha.

As for me, i did what i had to do. I e-mailed them, telling them i made a mistake. I suppose my standing as a teacher will be abit shaky after i sent the e-mail, but yeah, all i can say is, shits happen. Hmmm… wait a minute. All i intended earlier was to tell you guys about this song, which i haven’t even told you its title yet. My goodness, i actually ended up blabbering again. hahahahaha.

So, ok. A little bit about the song yeah. It’s a song to remind punk heads about the purpose of their existence. But if you must know, i’m no big fan of punk music scene. It’s just this one song that makes me feel… i don’t know. There is this overwhelming emotion every time i listen to the song. It makes you think. The link below will direct you to a blog which allows you to stream the song online. You may download the song from the blog if you have Internet Download Manager. Please, listen to it. You won’t regret it. Presenting…

What If Punk Never Happened

by The King Blues

my blabbers

xxdiabloxx — Mon, 25 May 2009 05:34:28 +0000

it’s been a while since i last updated this blog although the matter of the fact is that i do have been indulging myself with a luxury of free time. but i just could not get myself into sitting in front of a connected computer and writing in an entry. it’s not like i have not logged on to the internet every now and then because it is in my nature that i would always log on to the internet to check my e-mail and facebook in case there’s anything important going around. simply put, i like to keep myself updated, through the internet. but to write in a blog? it’s a bit difficult because the purpose would not be to keep myself updated anymore, rather it’s to keep others updated about me. hahaha. as if this blog already has a huge fanbase. because you see, when people write in an entry, the intention is always to tell people what have they been feeling or thinking or doing or whatever that is related. of course, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. really, nothing. it’s just that, to exert such an effort to tell people about what you want to tell is a little bit difficult for me to digest in. i mean, to write. if only writing is as easy as speaking, then i would joyfully be doing this.

but then again, as ironic as it this will sound, writing is what i do best compared to speaking. hahaha. yes. i know i’ve been blathering about how difficult it is to write and all but truth be told, speaking is a lot harder for me. this of course applies to English language only. speaking in Malay does not pose me problems as speaking in English does because when i speak in Malay, i don’t really care about the grammar and sentence structure and all. all i care about is to get my message across. but when i speak in English, i cannot help but to make sure first whatever that comes out of my mouth should be as grammatical as writing discourse. i do realise that this hinders my speaking performance but i’m an English major and at the moment i’m actually doing my masters degree, again, in English. if anything, to speak with bad grammar is really not a choice for me. and for others who choose to speak in English with me, i hope you don’t mind me correcting your mistakes if there are any because, one other thing you must know about me is that i’m a stickler when it comes to grammar, in English specifically. the problem is, my knowledge of English grammar is still not sufficient enough to make me brave enough to correcting people. so, sadly, at times i do let people get away with their grammatical mistakes because i’m not sure about what is right and wrong until i go back to my room and check my encarta.

well, i’ve actually got a lot more to say in here. but Faz has already called me. she’s finished her business with celpad. i’m actually waiting for her that is why i write this entry. hehehe. so see you later.

A Letter From A Christian To Muslim Women

xxdiabloxx — Sat, 09 May 2009 09:49:43 +0000

A letter from a Christian to Muslim women

By Joanna Francis

Writer, Journalist – USA

A letter from a Christian to Muslim women
March 7th, 2007
By Joanna Francis
Writer, Journalist – USA

Between the Israeli assault on Lebanon and the Zionist “war on terror,” the Muslim world is now center stage in every American home. I see the carnage, death and destruction that have befallen Lebanon, but I also see something else: I see you. I can’t help but notice that almost every woman I see is carrying a baby or has children around her. I see that though they are dressed modestly, their beauty still shines through. But it’s not just outer beauty that I notice. I also notice that I feel something strange inside me: I feel envy. I feel terrible for the horrible experiences and war crimes that the Lebanese people have suffered, being targeted by our common enemy. But I can’t help but admire your strength, your beauty, your modesty, and most of all, your happiness. Yes, it’s strange, but it occurred to me that even under constant bombardment, you still seemed happier than we are, because you were still living the natural lives of women. The way women have always lived since the beginning of time. It used to be that way in the West until the 1960s, when we were bombarded by the same enemy. Only we were not bombarded with actual munitions, but with subtle trickery and moral corruption.

Through Temptation
They bombarded us Americans from Hollywood, instead of from fighter jets or with our own American-made tanks. They would like to bomb you in this way too, after they’ve finished bombing the infrastructure of your countries. I do not want this to happen to you. You will feel degraded, just like we do. You can avoid this kind of bombing if you will kindly listen to those of us who have already suffered serious casualties from their evil influence. Because everything you see coming out of Hollywood is a pack of lies, a distortion of reality, smoke and mirrors. They present casual sex as harmless recreation because they aim to destroy the moral fabric of the societies into which they beam their poisonous programming. I beg you not to drink their poison. There is no antidote for it once you have consumed it. You may recover partially, but you will never be the same. Better to avoid the poison altogether than to try to heal from the damage it causes. They will try to tempt you with their titillating movies and music videos, falsely portraying us American women as happy and satisfied, proud of dressing like prostitutes, and content without families. Most of us are not happy, trust me. Millions of us are on anti-depressant medication, hate our jobs, and cry at night over the men who told us they loved us, then greedily used us and walked away. They would like to destroy your families and convince you to have fewer children. They do this by presenting marriage as a form of slavery, motherhood as a curse, and being modest and pure as old-fashioned. They want you to cheapen yourself and lose your faith. They are like the Serpent tempting Eve with the apple. Don’t bite.

Self-Value
I see you as precious gems, pure gold, or the “pearl of great value” spoken of in the Bible (Matthew 13: 45). All women are pearls of great value, but some of us have been deceived into doubting the value of our purity. Jesus said: “Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you” (Matthew 7: 6). Our pearls are priceless, but they convince us that they’re cheap. But trust me; there is no substitute for being able to look in the mirror and seeing purity, innocence and self-respect staring back at you. The fashions coming out of the Western sewer are designed to make you believe that your most valuable asset is your sexuality. But your beautiful dresses and veils are actually sexier than any Western fashion, because they cloak you in mystery and show self-respect and confidence. A woman’s sexuality should be guarded from unworthy eyes, since it should be your gift to the man who loves and respects you enough to marry you. And since your men are still manly warriors, they deserve no less than your best. Our men don’t even want purity anymore. They don’t recognize the pearl of great value, opting for the flashy rhinestone instead. Only to leave her too! Your most valuable assets are your inner beauty, your innocence, and everything that makes you who you are. But I notice that some Muslim women push the limit and try to be as Western as possible, even while wearing a veil (with some of their hair showing). Why imitate women who already regret, or will soon regret, their lost virtue? There is no compensation for that loss. You are flawless diamonds. Don’t let them trick you into becoming rhinestones. Because everything you see in the fashion magazines and on Western television is a lie. It is Satan’s trap. It is fool’s gold.

A Woman’s Heart
I’ll let you in on a little secret, just in case you’re curious: pre-marital sex is not even that great. We gave our bodies to the men we were in love with, believing that that was the way to make them love us and want to marry us, just as we had seen on television growing up. But without the security of marriage and the sure knowledge that he will always stay with us, it’s not even enjoyable! That’s the irony. It was just a waste. It leaves you in tears. Speaking as one woman to another, I believe that you understand that already. Because only a woman can truly understand what’s in another woman’s heart. We really are all alike. Our race, religion or nationalities do not matter. A woman’s heart is the same everywhere. We love. That’s what we do best. We nurture our families and give comfort and strength to the men we love. But we American women have been fooled into believing that we are happiest having careers, our own homes in which to live alone, and freedom to give our love away to whomever we choose. That is not freedom. And that is not love. Only in the safe haven of marriage can a woman’s body and heart be safe to love. Don’t settle for anything less. It’s not worth it. You won’t even like it and you’ll like yourself even less afterwards. Then he’ll leave you.

Self-Denial
Sin never pays. It always cheats you. Even though I have reclaimed my honor, there’s still no substitute for having never been dishonored in the first place. We Western women have been brainwashed into thinking that you Muslim women are oppressed. But truly, we are the ones who are oppressed; slaves to fashions that degrade us, obsessed with our weight, begging for love from men who do not want to grow up. Deep down inside, we know that we have been cheated. We secretly admire and envy you, although some of us will not admit it. Please do not look down on us or think that we like things the way they are. It’s not our fault. Most of us did not have fathers to protect us when we were young because our families have been destroyed. You know who is behind this plot. Don’t be fooled, my sisters. Don’t let them get you too. Stay innocent and pure. We Christian women need to see what life is really supposed to be like for women. We need you to set the example for us, because we are lost. Hold onto your purity. Remember: you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube. So guard your “toothpaste” carefully!

I hope you receive this advice in the spirit in which it is intended: the spirit of friendship, respect, and admiration. From your Christian sister â€” with loveâ€¦

This article is republished with the kind permission of the author. The original can be found on Crescent and the Cross. Joanna Francis is a writer and journalist. She manages her own blog.

as i face the music

xxdiabloxx — Tue, 05 May 2009 03:33:11 +0000

i’m in the library now with faz. she wants to look up some phonetics journals to get some idea of what she wants to do for her thesis. typical her. always wants to get things done asap. well, i’ve already had my thesis topic. so that’s why while she’s worrying about the thesis, i, on the other hand, am blogging. haha.

i’ve got lots of thing to talk about actually. more sensual stuff. the kind of things that people like to read. but suddenly there was this impelling force that makes me feel like talking about something else. something about music. hence this entry.

“face the music” is an idiomatic expression which technically means a confrontation with a hard-pressed situation. however, such is not the kind of thing that i want to talk here. i purposely use the idiomatic expression to spice things up a little bit. actually what will follow is quite the literal meaning of the expression. i want to talk about the journey of my musical experience. but now that i think about it, if i were to talk about this deliberately extensive, i would already be bored to even finish this entry. haha. ops. faz has already done perusing through the whole phonetics journals and she wants to go now. that was quick. hmmm.. you know what? maybe i will talk about this some time later. haha.

xxdiabloxx — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 21:25:43 +0000

Your results:
You are Green Lantern

Green Lantern		70%
Spider-Man		65%
Hulk		65%
Catwoman		55%
Iron Man		55%
Superman		50%
Batman		45%
Robin		42%
The Flash		40%
Supergirl		35%
Wonder Woman		20%

Hot-headed. You have strong
will power and a good imagination.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

the reactions

xxdiabloxx — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 02:22:13 +0000

most of my schoolmates who already read the previous post commented that they do not believe me. well, first thing first, i’m not asking anyone to believe my story. i already said earlier, the story could or could not be true. i mean who would believe a religious school’s head prefect is now a thief. a fucking thief. i wouldn’t too at first. but the evidences are so against him. so how do we know if it’s true or not? i say, let’s hear what xibo has to say in this. but the problem is, we all know he would not confess to it even if he really did it. so i’m thinking, if he wants to clear this up, he’s going to need to face his friends who he took advantage upon. xibo, if you were to read this, i want you to come back to iium and settle this once and for all. don’t worry if you no longer have your friends’ number because i have your previous roommate’s. wan/zack. you can always ask for his number from me. of course, once you’re exonerated, i would delete my entries. or edit. haha. whatever.

hence the information

xxdiabloxx — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 04:50:16 +0000

the other day, 19th april 2009, i, along with other residents of mahallah bilal were required to move out to either mahallah faruq or uthman. for me i chose faruq because i’ve stayed in uthman before this and this time around i want to feel new air. in fact, that’s what i exactly got. i was given a room at level four. at fucking level four. moving out is one thing, but level four? for almost three months? you have got to be kidding me. but that’s what happened. i don’t think i could request otherwise because in my six years of studying here, it has been one of iium’s policies to have the students to accommodate to them instead of them accommodating to us, students. well, service nowadays. what can i say… but sigh, yes can do. however, thank goodness zane has got a car. that alone has cut off my problems by half. should there be no car to help me carry my stuff, i would already be a dead fish gasping for his last air by the time i finish moving in because i was actually already half dead at that day. from morning till evening. unbelievable.

so that is not what i want to talk about here. the story begins when i was chit chatting with this guy, wan, the previous inhabitant of the room i was moving in. he’s an economic students and so i asked if he knows some of my friends from the same course. he said he knows my schoolmate, xibo, as he was known at school, but kelly, as he is known currently. seriously. i hate that name. it sounds girlish. what was he thinking introducing that name to his friends. owh. he was known as xibo because he looks exactly like xibo from the comic ‘wira tunggal’ or something. and kelly is the name given to him by this girl that he likes or liked. i don’t know. so this kelly guy, he was the head of prefects at my school. and i did a few times go head to head with him because i don’t like him. he was the school’s dog. do you expect me to like him? haha. i’m actually not joking when i said he’s the school’s dog. because he really was. but that was then. i kind of put those things behind me already when i saw him here at iium.

so, no, that’s not all about it either. haha. i’m not going to talk merely about him. are you kidding me? so wan told me that he left. he said, “die dah chow dh”. very ambiguous. haha. so i asked him a few times what did he mean. and hence the information… whether it’s true or not, i don’t know. but the story goes like this, he left iium because his realised that his his friends have already become aware of his misdemeanours, so i was told. his friends suspected him of computers thievery cases that happen around campus due to several strong evidents. as a matter of fact, wan also is believed to be a victim of him when they were roommates… at that time i thought, good Lord… what happens with him? of all people, i can’t believe it was the school’s dog that did that. i mean, he was a dog. he should not be capable of doing such a thing without orders. haha. but was also said maybe kelly was not alone in his modus operandi. so it’s true after all. he is a dog. haha. although i did not gasp because of weariness, i did gasp because of this thing. pheww… of all people… of all people… and such a petty thing to do too… dude, go kill somebody or something. but don’t steal, will you? it’s pitiful. Goddamn pitiful. and now i’m gonna take back my hatred for you which previously i already left behind. don’t blame me. you’ve only got yourself to blame…

confused

xxdiabloxx — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 06:09:06 +0000

and so, najib take over the throne. although i’m a bit worried about, considering his criminal record, but again, it’s quite a relief you see. let me ask you something. if nik aziz or any religious leader were to govern malaysia, do you really think you could go out and have fun with your girlfriend, have access to underground musics, attend a concert or a gig for that matter. i bet all these are very unlikely. seriously. as much as i hate najib for his way of doing things, but i can’t help but to feel relieve as well because i could still indulge the demon that i have inside me. hahaha. i know i’m wrong. but what can i say. i’m just a human.

lactose intolerant

xxdiabloxx — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 16:08:13 +0000

Definition

Lactose intolerance refers to the inability of the body to digest lactose.

Description

Lactose is the form of sugar present in milk. The enzyme lactase, which is normally produced by cells lining the small intestine, breaks down lactose into substances that can be absorbed into the bloodstream. When dairy products are ingested, the lactose reaches the digestive system and is broken down by lactase into the simpler sugars glucose and galactose. The liver changes the galactose into glucose, which then enters the bloodstream and raises the blood glucose level. Lactose intolerance occurs when, due to a deficiency of lactase, lactose is not completely broken down and the glucose level does not rise. While not usually dangerous, lactose intolerance can cause severe discomfort.

From 30 to 50 million Americans suffer from the symptoms of lactose intolerance, but not everyone who is deficient in lactase experiences symptoms. Experts believe that 75% of the adult population worldwide does not produce enough lactase and is at risk for some or all of the symptoms of lactose intolerance.

— Lisette Hilton

i don’t know for sure if i really have dis problem. but one thing for sure, i can’t drink anything involving milk early in d morning bcoz if i were to dat, d above symptoms wud be apparent. d funny thing is, i’m not sure if i’m tolerant to lactose at other time. haha. i only rmmbr i wud hv problem drinking milk products when it is in d morning.